I haven’t posted in quite sometime. I know. I feel as if I should say that I am sorry . . . Blogging was an outlet for me as I completed school and now that I’ve moved on from school into a new place, a new state, a new occupation, I’ve had to get settled. It’s taken me six months so far . . . to get settled.
Question is. Am I settled? Hmmm . . . Ask me later. Perhaps not, perhaps that’s a good thing–means I’m not in my comfort zone. And that’s the best place, isn’t it?
Where am I, exactly? Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. Yes, definitely a new land. A land of snow and negative temperatures (something rather new to this SC girl at heart).
What am I doing? Working for a cause I’m passionate about. And what is that? The pro-life movement. More specifically, I’m the Director of Communications at Ohio Right to Life . . . and it is the scariest and hardest occupation that I have ever experienced (which isn’t saying much, since I’ve been a full-time student up until May). But it’s been rewarding in ways I never thought possible. I’m smack dab in the middle of one big learning experience; through many many and even repeated mistakes I’ve learned so much about myself in this new environment–what I can and cannot do, and what I can learn to do. Among being the scariest and hardest occupation, this has been the most humbling as well.
Why? Because reasons. No really, because God. God put me here. That was clear enough (and I rejoice because of it). Am I at peace because of that? Um . . . No. Does that mean I’m questioning God? Yes . . . but not His sovereignty. No need to question that. But the questions of “why here?” “why now?” “why me?” “why is this so hard?” “why do I keep failing?” “when will I be more confident?” “why am I not doing _______ right now?” “WHY do I have to fall on my face AGAIN?” “why can I not do it right the first time?” “why didn’t you put someone better in this position?” “why can’t I be more ________?” “why did you give me such a big and hard responsibility?” . . . Ok, I’m sure you more than get the idea. And is God giving me answers? Yes. But not to everything, or not everything right away. And let’s just be honest–that’s why this is exciting: because I don’t have all the answers to all of my SELF-CENTERED questions. God’s growing me. That’s for sure. He won’t fail me–even if I fail. He won’t fail me–even though I do fail. And that’s encouraging.
God won’t fail me.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.